A tribute to my mom

Last year for Mother's Day I wrote about my experience becoming a mother. This year I wanted to pay tribute to my mom, and thank her for her tireless efforts in mothering. As I've transitioned from adolescence to adulthood, my mom has truly become my best friend. I talk to her every day. It helps bridge the geographical distance between us. When I was a little girl, I used to ask my mom if I could live with her when I grew up. She'd of course say yes, but then she'd say, "But you're going to get married and you'll want to live with your husband". That always led to me asking, "But can't we both live with you?". Her answer to that question was always yes again - she told me I'd always be welcome to live with her. And while I'm sure that we're both glad to have our own space now that I am "grown up and married", I know we both wish I lived a street away instead of an entire country away. But even with the distance, we remain close, and it's fun to see how the role of motherhood transitions throughout your life as my mom became a Grammy with our little girl, and is now a Grammy to two grand babies with my sister's son. So here's my tribute to you, my mommy. I love you. Happy Mother's Day.

Hey Mom, we need a picture of just the two of us. I couldn't find one. Sad!

Here's me, my mom, and my mom's dad.

Things I learned from my Mommy:

How to achieve greatness

My mom was a great motivator, a great coach. She never let me accept mediocrity as a personal standard. I will forever be grateful for this. My mom pushed without being pushy, and helped me stretch to my potential without being overbearing. I owe most of the success in my life to this lesson, and the example of this lesson she set herself. "Why get a B on that paper when you could get an A?" was something I often heard from her. As I look around me today, I realize children being taught this lesson are few and far between. Society as a whole has accepted mediocrity (and sometimes less) as a standard, and we are the poorer for it. If we all had mother's pushing us to achieve more, we would not be in the shape we're in. As I entered the employment world, I realized how few people really work their best - most are just there for a paycheck and have a "what have you done for me lately?" attitude. I am so grateful I had a mom that encouraged me to do my homework (yes, all of it), to memorize my Primary talks (not just prepare something half-heartedly), and in general do things that I otherwise would have been just too plain lazy to do.

How to fail gracefully

Conversely, what's the good of striving for excellence if you don't know how to accept inevitable disappointment? While we would all love to do everything right the first time and have everything go our way, life just isn't like that. Recently I was watching a sports bio clip on a college football player who had been replaced as first string quarterback by a younger recruit and spent most of his career now sitting on the bench. He was angry, as is our natural reaction, and publicly spoke negatively of his coach and his team. While we expect this behavior from 19 and 20-year-old college boys, what was disappointing was when his mother got on the show and expressed the same sentiments. I wished for him that he would have had a mother that could have taught him how to fail gracefully.

When I was in high school, I tried out for the JV cheerleading squad. According to all the girls, JV and Varsity alike, I was a shoe-in. They were only going to accept 2 freshman to be on the JV squad, and it was obvious to everyone that I would be one of them. However, when the names were posted, I wasn't one of the two chosen to be on the squad. I was placed on the freshman squad with all the other girls I had tried out with. The girl that had made the JV squad over me was, in my opinion, the worst talent-wise of all of us freshman. I was of course angry that she had been chosen over me and felt justified to to sulk and pout and secretly hate this girl who had made it. My mom could have easily pulled the "don't you know how talented my little girl is" act we see happening all the time in our society today. Instead she told me that life doesn't always work out the way we want it to, and to find the blessings in being on the freshman squad instead of the disappointments. It turns out I had a blast being on the squad with all the girls I knew and went to class with, and it was fun to cheer for the guys that I actually knew. Plus the demands of the squad were much less than the JV demands, and I was able to transition into high school more seamlessly without the added stress. I still think back to that lesson to this day when things don't go my way or when I feel I've been cheated out of something. Oh yeah, and she helped me feel happy for my friend who had made the squad instead of resentful. How I wish more kids (and adults) could learn that lesson.

How to commit and follow-through

I think these two concepts are hard for most people. It's much easier to be wishy-washy rather than commit. Commitment means work, being unselfish, and usually doing things you don't want to do when you don't want to do them. But how much the better we are when we do. Being wishy-washy doesn't build character - commitment does. As a teenager, waking up at 4:45 am every morning to attend an early-morning scripture study class before school was not always at the top of the priority list. But my mom knew the blessings that were in store for me, not just through the process of studying God's word, but in consistently showing up, even when I didn't want to. What teacher wants to spend their time preparing lessons for a room full of kids that never show up? And after becoming a Seminary teacher myself, I was really grateful to those parents who taught their kids the value of commitment and follow-through.

How to be industrious

My mom believes in working hard. She is always working. My dad calls her "busy, busy". She seriously wears me out sometimes how much she works. I wish this would rub off on me more. When she comes to visit, she doesn't have an idle minute. She's loves to do the jobs we never seem to get to, like bleaching the ceiling so the water stain from a leak we had doesn't show anymore. Or helping me organize the closets. Or washing the windows. She knows the joy that comes from working. She didn't grow up with money, or with very well-educated parents for that matter. So she learned how to do with what she had, and to better her situation using the tools and talents she did possess. She used to say being poor doesn't mean you have to be dirty, because "soap and water are cheap". She taught us to take care of our things - if you lose it or break it, you don't get another one. She taught us to value education - if you don't know something, go learn about it. To this day, we still make fun of her for running to the encyclopedia to look something up. But I'm so glad she does this. I have many memories as a child consulting the World Book, usually in mid-conversation about something. We were usually content to just continue on in our ignorance, but my mom knew the importance of bettering our situation any way that we can. Knowing the value of work and having a thirst for knowledge will get you far in this life.

How to serve others

My mom has always been selfless. She was a selfless mother, sacrificing her own material desires to make sure my sister and I had dance lessons, cheerleading uniforms, flutes, softball equipment, etc. But if she had only done that, we might have ignored her selflessness and turned out selfish and spoiled. So she made sure we learned how to truly serve others. You can't teach this to a child - sure, you can teach the principle, but a child will never become selfless themselves unless they see you doing it yourself. My mom has always given rides to people, made meals, been a shoulder to cry on, and opened her home. We saw her do things things when it was most inconvenient for her to do them, and always without complaint. When we were little, we had a man from our congregation who had fallen on hard times come live with us for a few months while he tried to find a job and get back on his feet. Obviously this was a huge inconvenience for my parents, especially my mother, who stayed home with us during the day and had to cook, clean, and generally take care of one additional person in our house. He stayed at our house during Halloween, and rather than be annoyed that he was infringing on fun family memories, my mom invited him to be a part of our family's festivities. Because of her generosity, I never saw him as an annoyance, but really looked forward to him being at the dinner table with us, or having family home evening with us, or just playing with us. One of my favorite Halloween pictures of me growing up is a picture of me dressed as a witch in a costume my mom made for me, next to our friend who came to live with us for a while.

Even now, my mom continues to set an example to me of selfless service by caring for her aging father. It has been an emotional, financial, and even physical drain on my mom and dad to have my Paw Paw living with them, invading their space, needing constant medical care, and yet my mom would not have it any other way.

That you choose your happiness

So many people today become victims of their circumstances. By that I mean they blame they're life and its problems on things that are seemingly out of their control - who their parents are, where they were raised, what race or ethnicity they are, the education they've been able to receive, the amount of money their able to make... I admire people who rise from the ashes of life and make something out of nothing. It's one of the most difficult things to do, which is why so few do it. But that is one of the secret truths to this life: that we are not victims of our circumstances, that we can be happy despite our hardships, and that we can change things for the better.

My mom was not raised in the best of circumstances. Suffice it to say, she had one of the hardest childhoods of anyone I have ever known. She easily could have become a victim of her circumstances and allowed the tragedy of her childhood rule her through adulthood. And yet she didn't. She chose to change her circumstances, find happiness in midst of horror, and make the most out of what she had been given. Knowing my mom, you would never know the background she came from. And that is a tribute to her. She truly inspires me.

That she has a testimony

My mom is a convert to our faith. She and my father are my own personal pioneers! She had to change a lot of things about her life to commit to the gospel. She had to sacrifice relationships and lifestyle choices, but she did it because she knew it was true. She is not a scriptorian like my dad, nor does she wax eloquent on doctrinal subjects. She did not spend hours preparing elaborate family home evening lessons or teach sermons to us. But she sang Primary songs with us, and helped us memorize scriptures. She took us to church and had family prayer with us. Above all, she continued in the faith, never looking back to her former life. And that in and of itself was enough for me. Even if my mom rarely bore her testimony to us as children, I knew she knew it, just by the life she was living.

The value of motherhood

My mom was (and is!) a great mother. She has often told me that she values her role as mother more than any other role, job, or calling she has ever had. She truly loved being a mother. And she understood that to mold little people through life into adulthood was a sacred obligation and privilege. While I didn't always want to be a mom, I always wanted to be a mom like my mom. And I wanted to want to be a mom like she did. I saw in her the spark that motherhood creates that can't be duplicated by any other pursuit. She was patient with me through the years of my "motherhood rebellion". She never tried to correct me on my thinking that I would have more joy in my life without children. She tells me it's because she always knew I would come around. I am grateful that she had that much faith in me. But I can honestly say I don't think I would have had she not set the example for me long ago that nothing else I accomplished in this life would be as important or significant as bringing children into this world and molding them through life.

Thank you for molding me, mom. Thank you for the lessons you taught me. I am a better person because of you. I look forward to the molding you will do with my children. They are blessed to have you as their Grammy.