Disappointed

I had hoped to upload a bunch of fun pictures of Shaelyn's first Mommy and Me tumbling class today. I signed her up a week ago and it's all I've talked about, counting down the days in anticipation. While her climbing and jumping skills increase to the point of reckless, I just knew she'd appreciate a room full of other toddlers doing the same thing on fun, squishy things meant to be climbed on and jumped off of.

I did, however, have a sneaking suspicion in the back of my mind that she might be shy in a room full of strangers and cling to me instead of joining in the fun. But I put that thought away. That's only for places she doesn't want to be, right? Not a room full of other kids and fun squishy things!

Last night Shaelyn slept in her bed, by herself, all night. She did not cry, whimper, or murmer once. I did not have to go back in to help her find her paci. That has never, in her 18 months of life, happened EVER! I was very excited about this, but thought it was a bad omen when she woke up at 6:00 am. She is not a good sleeper-iner. She did not inherit that trait from me. Lately she's been going to bed earlier, which has been nice in the evening, but it means she's been waking up earlier and taking her naps earlier. She used to go down for her naps between 12:30 and 1:00, but for the last week she's been asleep by 11:20 every day but Sunday.

So back to this morning and our early riser. The tumbling class started at 10:00, normally a great time with her old nap schedule. With her new nap schedule, it's pushing it close, and with her waking up at 6:00, I was pretty sure she'd be tired in the class. But she was happy all morning and I kept talking up the class we were going to go in a few hours to PLAY! She would get really excited when I said play. But then when we got in the car, she was fussy and rubbing her eyes. Uh oh! I was hoping that the thrill of seeing the other kids and all the fun equipment would wake her up enough to enjoy the class, but I was wrong. Luckily, Michael had taken an early lunch to come meet us at the gym. She was a basket case, and I was on the verge of becoming one myself. I told Michael that if he hadn't been there, I am afraid Mommy and baby would have been in tears. We stayed for about 10 minutes, just long enough to make sure she wasn't going to stop screaming, and then headed home. She fell asleep in the car.

I was so disappointed, mainly in how much I had built today up in my head. If I had had more realistic expectations for my toddler, I wouldn't have been so shocked and disappointed by her display in the class. Instead, I was almost hurt. And I felt foolish. Shaelyn was the only child not running, skipping, jumping, and laughing. I had brought the camera, sure that she was going to love the class and that it would be a great photo op. Instead, it just seemed like one more thing that pointed a big arrow over my head that said "this mom just doesn't get it". I know I was overly sensitive - I came home and took a nap with Shaelyn because I was tired too - but still. With the heat and my laziness, lately Shaelyn and I have spent every day couped up in the house. I've felt very guilty about that. I think that was one of the reasons I was so excited to see Shaelyn in the class - I felt like it was a way to make up for the last few weeks of being imprisioned in the house. So when she didn't enjoy it, I was filled with regret. I felt like it was somehow my fault she wasn't having fun, that if I socialized her more on a regular basis, she wouldn't have been scared. Ironically, it made me feel better when she fell asleep in the car on the way home (it justified my feeling that she was only crying because she was tired), and even more justified when she had a fever later this afternoon. So maybe it wasn't my fault. Maybe she did just not feel good.

But I'm not giving up. I truly believe she would love this class if she was feeling her normal, perky self. So we're going back on Saturday. Fingers crossed.