LOST, Life, and Sickness

So, did you watch LOST on Wednesday night with bated breath? No? Me neither. And not because I didn't want to. Because believe me, Michael and I have had it written on our calendar for a month. And you know when you put a t.v. show's premier on your calendar, you mean business. Michael even planned a "post-LOST discussion party" with some co-workers for the next day. To debrief. And yes, that went on everyone's Outlook calendar at work, too. We're pretty hardcore...

What caused us to miss this blessed event, you ask? Shaelyn's next round of illness. You know how toddlers are - sick all winter. But lately, when Shaelyn gets a little cold, it turns into this terrible croupy cough. She's had croup a total of 4 times this season, one round that lasted for almost 6 weeks. This time when I heard that dry, seal-bark cough, I panicked. I can't bring a newborn home to a croupy big sister! I had just finished reading a friend's blog where her toddler contracted RSV and then passed it along to her not even 3-month-old sister. Scary stuff. And yes, the baby had to be hospitalized. Now croup is not as severe, but seriously, you don't want to be messing around with coughs and new babies.

Shaelyn just got over croup a month ago right after her birthday. But that time we took matters a little more seriously and her doctor prescribed some pretty powerful steroids to knock it out. And the cough was gone within 4 days. Amazing! But Shaelyn was a nightmare during the course of the treatment. Irrational, uncontrollable, majorly hyper, and downright crazy. Steroids are a big deal, but imagine them running through a little 20 pound body. Did I really want to go through that again?

Michael and I weighed out the pros and cons. Pros were obviously under the category of getting her better faster. Cons were giving her that powerful of drugs again so soon, dealing with the crazy side effects, and the fact that this round might not actually make her better. So I called her doctor. My first question was, "Why does Shaelyn keep getting this? Are some kids just predisposed to croup? None of her other little friends get this horrible cough every time they get sick?" To which he replied, "Maybe Shaelyn just needs some new friends." But he did explain that though croup is caused by a virus, it's symptoms are actually a form of asthma. Some kids are more predisposed to asthma than others, due to various factors, including genetics, and so when they get the croup virus, they display asthma-like symptoms. Other kids could get the same virus and just have a run-of-the-mill cough along with their cold. But of course, my dad and sister both had asthma growing up as kids, so Shaelyn is already a genetic candidate, and maybe has other factors making her predisposed as well. He said he agreed that the steroids were not something to mess around with and prescribe willy-nilly, and also that studies have recently inconclusively shown that steroids don't actually even help asthma patients, but that with the birth of Shaelyn's little sister just around the corner, getting this thing cleared up is the priority. So the steroid route we went.

We told Shaelyn last night that she was going to be getting some more steroids to help her with her cough, to which she pulled up her sleeve like she was getting ready for a shot. The steroids she takes are liquid, so it made us wonder when Barry Bonds had been here to visit and teach her the finer points of steroid administration. So today was day one of crazy-steroid-Shaelyn. It could have gone a lot worse, but she was as I expected. The treatment lasts for 3 days, and last time it took her 5 days to get back to her normal disposition. So 4 days to go...

Which has caused me to be VERY grateful that have not yet had Rachelle. I still have 2 weeks until my due date, and I'm praying I last the whole two weeks. Such a change of tune for me! But my contractions have all but stopped and as of my last appointment I hadn't progressed any at all, so I may make it. That will give us enough time to get Shaelyn better (cross my fingers) and have my mom out here. I have been nervous about leaving Shaelyn with anyone other than my mom when we go into the hospital, but now that she's sick, I'm very stressed and anxious. Not that I don't trust my friends or think that they're incapable of taking care of a 2 year old. But they have their own lives and their own kids they're dealing with, and throwing in a "can't sleep through the coughs and hyped up on steroids" child who is not theirs is asking a lot. So please Rachelle, hang in there for 2 more weeks. I promise I won't mind the pain... that much anyway!

And while waiting for the news from my OB that no progress had been made, I found myself reading one of those "first time Mommy" magazines about all the baby gear you "must have" (you don't) and all the "must do's" (which only work depending on your baby's temperament and your style of mothering). It made me feel very confident, knowing I didn't have to worry about all those first-time jitters. Until I came to the article about the things you didn't expect after bringing a baby home. Hey, I've been there, done that. But I've forgotten the specifics. I remember generalities, like being tired and nursing all the time. Reading that article brought back a flood of memories, like changing a diaper 4 times in a row because the first one is soiled, the second one she pees on while you're changing her, the third one she poops on, and the fourth one she pees and poops in after you've gotten her, the changing table, and yourself all cleaned up. I suddenly remembered "changing a diaper" for 45 minutes once with Shaelyn. And going through 3 pairs of jammies. And 2 for me. All at 2:00 in the morning. And then remembered that Shaelyn had to be changed twice during nighttime feedings - once before because her soiled diaper was usually what had woken her up, and once after because she almost always pooped while nursing. And that's just diaper changes. Not to mention the after-baby problems with your body falling apart and everything hurting. As well as spit-up and reflux. And nursing for an hour straight at first. To then change a diaper for 45 minutes and do it all over again.

It's a really good thing the doctor had already taken my blood pressure before I found this article, because I suddenly found myself having an anxiety attack on the exam table. I came home to relate all this to Michael, tears streaming down my face. "Other moms do this all the time," I told myself. But other moms don't seem to get as flustered as I do. I had talked myself into such a false sense of security with my "been there, done that" attitude that I completely crumbled when remembering the reality. And realizing that this time I can't stay in bed nursing a newborn all day until Michael gets home at 5:30. And that Shaelyn is still a horrible sleeper and a 45-minute diaper change at 2:00 in the morning is going to have to be a quiet affair.

Aaaahhh! So now that I'm worked up enough to actually go into labor, I'm trying to harness a "go with the flow" aura. How does one do that, exactly? But surprisingly enough, in the midst of croup, steroids, irrationality, the pressing reality of life with a newborn, and my own emotional insecurities, Michael asked me, "So you still want to have a million kids?" To which I enthusiastically replied, "Yes!" Must be all the pregnancy hormones...