We are big Amazing Race fans. We would love to be on the show. As Michael and I watch each episode, we act as though we are on the show, discussing strategies, which detours we would choose, and how we would react in certain situations. But we've never actually endeavored to try out for the show. Why?
1) There are many things required on the show I couldn't actually do. Like bungee jump off a dam. Or eat scorpions.
2) I could never leave my kids for 3 weeks. At least not now. Maybe when they're teenagers.
3) It is a known fact that Michael and I would fight on national television. And show off other none-too-flattering aspects of our personalities/character/relationship. (Don't believe me? See this classic post for further details as to why I'm right...)
However, we have the perfect suggestion for a Detour on the show. So listen up Bertram Van Munster. (Michael and I just love that name!) Wanna know the perfect Amazing Race Detour?
Wooden Swing Set Building.
Specifically, the cheapest wooden swing set you can buy on walmart.com. It's cheap because you have to build it from the tiniest wooden planks into an actual structure that is safe enough for you to let your 2-year-old play on it. I promise tears, sweat, blood, fights, bad words - all the things you love your Detours to incorporate. And we as the audience would love every minute of watching those poor teams trying to read through ridiculous instruction manuals and figure out why their hex bolts keep popping their t-nuts out of their sockets. Your ratings will shoot through the roof!
Listen, Bertram, I speak from experience. My mom offered to help finance a swing set for our growing young family. Michael and I decided we wanted a wooden swing set with a fort-like feature. However, most wooden swing sets come partly pre-assembled and start around $700. Since my mom's contribution was a fixed amount, we weren't willing to part with the difference to purchase a $700+ swing set.
We finally found a $399 wooden set on walmart.com that you had to completely assemble yourself. We read all the reviews (over 100 of them). Almost all were very favorable. Everyone felt it was a sturdy set, designed perfectly for younger children, and would provide years of use. However, there was one glaring item all the reviews had in common:
"It's a pain in the butt to build!"
Most reviewers said it took them on average 12 hours to assemble. Since Michael and I have nowhere to shuttle our kids off for 12 hours at a time on a Saturday, we knew we'd have to build in installments. As soon as we made our decision to purchase this set, I rushed off to Walmart to buy it, afraid that it would be sold out before I could get there. (This is what happened to us last year. We waited until April to buy our set so we could use our tax return money, only to find all the good sets at all major retailers were sold out. And we thought April was still early in the swing set season...)
I bought it in March.
It sat in our backyard, still in its cardboard box, until April.
The first week of April, Michael and I opened the cardboard box, and looked at all the very tiny wooden planks.
The second week of April, we empty out all the wood and left it sitting in the grass in a big pile.
The third week of April, I went out and painstakingly measured and labeled each piece of wood (all 88 pieces) whenever Shaelyn would go out to play.
The fourth week of April, we started construction.
The first day (a Saturday), the girls both took 3 1/2 hour naps, and we built the ladder and two of the four walls of the fort. We thought we were 1/3 of the way through. And I told Michael, "This is really fun!" I was really looking forward to building the swing set with him over the next few days.
Over the proceeding week, when Michael would come home from work, we would work on building the fort for about 2 hours at a time. Sometimes Shaelyn would go to a neighbor's to play. Other times she would run around the yard distracting us. Michael even took a 1/2 day off work, both of us convinced that we would have the whole swing set finished by the end of that night. But by the end of that week, we only had the 1/2 the fort built.
The second week, we both had commitments that took up 3 of the 5 weekday nights. And we were only able to work for 3 hours that Saturday. By the end of that week, we had a rudimentary fort with a ladder, but without safety walls, a slide, a picnic table, or a roof.
At this point, I was no longer saying "This is fun!" More like, "This is a nightmare!" Michael and I argued. And argued. Over whether or not the fort was level. Over how the diagrams said to assemble the next piece. Over who was smarter than who (and who knew more about mechanical planes).
The third week rained 1/2 the week. And Michael had all-day commitments on Saturday. But the fort got moved from our patio (where we building it to make sure it was level - HA!) to the grass, the slide added, and the safety walls installed. So now at least Shaelyn could climb up in the "club house" and slide down the slide. Still no roof, picnic table, or swing set attached.
Finally, over the course of the next two nights, the picnic table was added. The tarp roof was attached. And that blankety-blank-blank swing set beam was raised. (That fell on my foot during one of our Amazing Race worthy arguments and, I thought, broke my toe.) Every night that we'd head out into the backyard, power tools in hand, we would think, "Oh, we only have to build the picnic table and attach the swing set. We'll definitely be done tonight." And then, three hours later, all we've done is marked the places for drilling the holes to install the picnic table. Perhaps this could be the only detour for the whole Amazing Race season.
When we were all done, I realized it would have been hilarious if I had taped nightly confessionals from the two of us to entertain all our blog readers. You would have heard things like, "Michael's an IDIOT!" and "Shelley's so IMPATIENT!" and "When this thing is finished, I'm making you sleep in it!"
But you should have seen Shaelyn's face when the swing set was finished. She squealed with delight. She swung in her swing for 2 hours the night it was finished. She calls the fort her "house." And the next morning, she woke up at 7:15 and came running in our room.
"SWING SET!" she yelled.
I think she would sleep in it if we would let her.
And climbing:
And sliding:
And swinging:
And these, Grammy, are for you. Thanks for making this possible!
