I think first birthdays are the hardest for every mom. Don't you? Well, maybe 16 is hard. But I'm not there yet. I'm surrounded by young mothers with young children, all having faced, or soon facing, first birthdays with their little ones. They're met with a mixture of emotions. Happiness over the milestone. Excitement over the planning - the cake, the presents, the pictures. But mainly, I find, sadness over "losing" a baby. Because this first birthday marks the end of babydom. And closes the door, in some respects, on so many things moms love about having a baby in their house.
This year went by very fast for me, in terms of Rachelle. In other ways, the year seemed to drag on forever, time standing still, as I pushed through some challenging times in my life as a mother. But Rachelle grew up, in spite of time standing still, and here she is, a bonafide TODDLER.
I've chosen to look at the positives of this birthday. To not wish for her to stay an infant in my arms, as is often the case. To not re-live the baby days in my mind while missing out on all the adventures (and challenges) that toddlerhood holds. I have too many friends whose arms ache to hold a baby at all, and mine have been lucky enough to hold two. I have friends whose babies never reached a first birthday, and mine is happy and healthy and thriving.
So instead, my heart is filled with gratitude at this birthday. That our family has it to celebrate. That this life has been intertwined with mine. Rachelle has been my ray of sunshine in many dark places this year. I am grateful to have her.
PS - In spite of the sentiment, I think she is still a baby. I'm not ready to crown her with the title of TODDLER just yet...
