Writing in my head

I was an English major in college. I chose this major for several reasons, none of which being I actually 1) liked English or literature, or 2) liked writing.

My reasons for choosing this major:

1) It took the second-least amount of credits to graduate - and since I was trying to graduate in 3 years, this was important to me.

2) I can read really fast. Like ridiculously fast. So having to read 2-3 novels a week was no problem.

3) I can also "fake it" pretty well, too. Meaning I could get by in a discussion on a novel I hadn't even started reading. Just throw in a few words like "archetype" and "deconstruct" while talking about symbolism and allegorical context, and you're GOLDEN!

4) Since I was planning on a legal career post-college, it was as good a major as any without having to choose the dead-end "pre-law" path.

5) Grammar is like math to me. And I really like math. A prime number is always a prime number. And a verb is always a verb. And yes, deconstructing the grammatical structure of a sentence is, to me, like solving an equation. Fun stuff!

6) I'm not a terrible writer. Not the world's best either, by any stretch of the imagination. I wouldn't even categorize myself as a "writer," actually. But I knew I wouldn't get tripped up writing a paper - or 300 of them before graduation.

Since then I have done nothing with my English education. I don't read any of the "literature" we read in school, unless Harry Potter or the Hunger Games count. I don't deconstruct anything, unless it's an episode of LOST. I haven't written a paper since 2002. I'm even a book-club dropout!

And even though I don't fancy myself a writer, and though I didn't enjoy writing in college, I'm always writing. Just not here on the blog. Or in my journal. Or on a piece of paper. Or on any recordable medium.

My problem is that I am always writing in my head.

I have all kinds of things written there. Funny stories, anecdotal pieces, sentimental gushings, observational musings, frustrated rants.

I was hoping this blog would be an outlet for some of that material. And since most of this writing revolves around my life as a mother of young children, it would help me capture a life on paper. My life. My thoughts. My struggles and ambitions.

The times when I get blog-backlogged are the times when these writings are coming out of my ears! I have no place to put them down, to record them, to store them. And then as more pile in on top of the old, they get jumbled, confused, and forgotten. And I start to feel as though these moments, these memories, these thoughts might disappear all together.

That's a terrible feeling.

Maybe I'll start carrying around a tape recorder so I can verbally record all the writing that I do in my head.

Hmmm . . .

I would need a LOT of tapes for that.