Some of you have been wondering if I have finally quit my job. The answer is Y-E-S!!! It was made official last Thursday, 2/22. It is so great to finally have that behind me. I had debated on whether or not to call my boss to tell him I wasn't coming back, or to just send him an email letting him know my intentions. Since he wasn't all that interested in my pregnancy or leave to begin with (he forgot that I was pregnant and once I had the baby, never called to check up to see how I or baby were doing), I decided an email was the way to go. I didn't want to have some drawn out superficial conversation with him about how I was grateful for the opportunity or how wonderful it was to work with him, because neither were true. My email was short and basically stated that I had decided to stay home and raise my daughter and would not be coming back to work. He wrote back and stated that he had been in meetings all day that day and would continue to be the following day, but that he understood and maybe we could catch up later. I knew that would never happen. I went back into my office for the last time on Thursday to pack up my desk, turn in my keys, and sign the necessary paperwork.
For those of you who know me, you know I never really liked my job. It became more of a means to an end the longer I stayed there (3 1/2 years!!!). When I first started working there, I didn't like the actual work. The clients were never satisfied, the job applicants were always complaining, and it seemed no matter how hard you worked, you could never do anything right. But then the longer I was there and the further I moved up the "management chain", the more I realized I didn't like the internal operations even more than I didn't like the day to day drudgery of my job. I started to become a different person working there. It took the stark contrast I experienced on Thursday to really understand what a poison that job had become. Obviously since having the baby I've become more sensitive, optimistic, thoughtful, etc. I think that just comes with the territory. But it's such a change from how I used to be. I had become intolerant, impatient, unkind, and petty. The internal structure kind of set you up for it. Upper management would pit us against each other and encouraged internal competition to a ridiculous degree. Our managers would gossip with us about other managers, so it encouraged us to do the same. There were ridiculous games you had to play to "make it" in the company. It wasn't enough to be doing your job well, you had to be doing your job better than someone else and had to prove that in order to move ahead. I remember sitting in on performance reviews and literally proving to my boss that I was doing a better job than these particular branch managers, and that justified my performance. Management meetings involved schmoozing at the bar afterwards, where everyone, including your boss, was getting completely hammered. And being up on the latest gossip meant you were in the "inner circle". I know every company has internal politics and ridiculous people who work there, thus the popularity of things like "The Office" on NBC, Dilbert cartoons, and movies like "Office Space", but I think RHI takes it to a whole new level. It was seriously worse than high school.
I went into the office on Thursday to pack up, like I said, and ended up spending a 1/2 hour in the conference room with one of my employees I hired before maternity leave calming her down and assuring her that this was not personal and that I was not betraying anyone. Then I had to endure the phone calls coming in to our branch from other branch offices who had just found out from my boss that I was not coming back and wanted the details. Details? I had a baby and want to be a good mom. No more details than that. But because of the way these people think, of course there was some kind of conspiracy. I got out of there as quickly as I could. Then my cell phone was ringing off the hook with people calling from different branches to tell me the version of the story they had heard, who's mad, who they think is going to replace me, etc. A corporate trainer who is now responsible for training my branch until a replacement is found had to audacity to say that what I did was unethical. All of this was left on my voicemail. I deleted all these messages without so much as a second thought. Thursday was the day I realized how much better my life is now, not just because I have a baby, but because I finally got away from that terrible place. I realized it was almost impossible to be Christlike while working there and be successful at the same time. I'm glad I don't have to have that struggle anymore.
For Michael, it just helps further emphasize how much he likes his job and how grateful he is to work for a good company that doesn't create that kind of hostile working environment. The one thing I am grateful to that job for is that it was the catalyst that made me want to be a mom. Before working there, I thought I wanted to be a career woman, and that I would find meaning and fulfillment through that all important job. After being there a year, I realized I was never going to feel the kind of fulfillment my heart really wanted through my job. I will be forever grateful for that lesson.
The girls who make it all worth it.
