We still love Maggie

When we left for the hospital to give birth to Shaelyn, I worried how this would change our family dynamic, ie, how Maggie would react and how our relationship with her would change. We've had Maggie for almost 4 years now. I held her on the day she was born and took her home 6 weeks later. I have always felt like she was my first "child". In fact, Maggie was the first one to know I was pregnant. Michael was out of town when I took the pregnancy test, so when I saw that it was positive, I ran to find Maggie to tell her that she was going to be a big sister. That's now how we refer to her - "big sister". Despite members of our family thinking that Maggie is a devil cat, she has always had a special relationship with Michael and me. Once I found out we were pregnant, I vowed that we would not let our relationship with Maggie diminish. I took this very seriously. I even had my mother sit in the car with Shaelyn when we first got home from the hospital so that Michael and I could have some one-on-one time with Maggie before bringing the baby in. Maggie has never hissed at or acted aggressive toward Shaelyn. In fact, she has acted rather curious of Shaelyn, not really sure what to make of her. The one thing she does know, however, is how much Shaelyn monopolizes our time. I have tried very hard to still play with Maggie, talk to her, make sure she feels loved. In fact, I think she still gets the same amount of attention from me that she used to, seeing as how she would be left alone in the house everyday from 7-ish to 6-ish while Michael and I were at work. But now I'm home all day every day, and I haven't increased my level of attention toward Maggie. At first, Maggie still acted the same. She would still lick my feet dry when I got out of the shower, come talk to me in the kitchen when I was making food, and stay downstairs with Shaelyn and me for the better part of the day. The last 2 weeks I have noticed that Maggie hardly ever comes downstairs anymore. She stays up in our room in her little bed. The only time she ventures down is to eat, and then it's right back up. It makes it harder for me to talk to her, since Shaelyn is downstairs the majority of the day. And I will admit, that due to Shaelyn's random sleeping habits, I have not been as attentive in the evening hours as I would have been in the past. It's been weighing on me the last few days, and this morning we had a heart-breaking moment.

Shaelyn did not fall asleep until about 3:30 am and awoke again at 7:00 for a feeding. Needless to say, I was still tired and needed Shaelyn to fall back asleep so I could get some sleep. It took about an hour to lull her back to sleep, but by 8:00, we were both cuddled up on the couch for some much needed Zzz's. At 8:15, I began to hear Maggie come down the stairs. She was carrying a toy in her mouth, a toy Michael and I have dubbed the "jingle feather". It is a jingle bell and some feathers attached to a plastic fishing-pole type stick by an elastic string. It's one of Maggie's favorite interactive toys. And you know she's deprived of play time when she has to bring it to you. So here I am, laying on the couch, holding Shaelyn, and hearing "big sister" come down the stairs to play. You can imagine how I felt. To make matters worse, she began to cry when I didn't come acknowledge her right away. It started out as little meows, but after a few minutes, turned into the most heart-wrenching cries you've ever heard. I hadn't gotten up from the couch yet because I was afraid of waking Shaelyn. She can be a very light sleeper and lately, the slightest movement will wake her up and she is not easily put back to sleep. It had just taken me an hour to get her to go to sleep and I did not want to do that again. But the more Maggie cried, the more I realized I couldn't ignore her. I carefully lifted Shaelyn off of me and placed her in her bouncy seat. Of course she woke up! I then went to find Maggie. I knew I didn't have the energy for interactive play at the moment, but I wanted her to know that I still loved her. I petted her several times, opened the blinds for her to look out at the world, and got her mouse for her to play with on her own. She looked at me like she knew this was the kind of response she would get from me and went back up the stairs with a sense of dejection. I went back to the couch, happy to see that the bouncy seat had in fact put Shaelyn back to sleep, and cried until I fell asleep. I have since tried to play with Mags, but to no avail. I'm hoping that when Michael gets home tonight, he can cheer her up. I write this more for therapy for me than anything. I'm hoping that as Shaelyn gets more into a routine and is less demanding on my time that I will have more time and energy for Maggie. And I'm also hoping that the more time goes on, the more Maggie will get used to Shaelyn being a permanent part of our family. I wanted to include pictures we have recently taken of Maggie so that she could be a part of this blog, too.

She is still my first "child" and in fact always will be. I love you Mags.