I remember when Shaelyn turned 15 months old. I remember it vividly. Because it was the first time that I remember uttering the phrase to Michael - "I think we're already experiencing the Terrible Two's. Maybe they've just come early for us..."
By 18 months, I figured this was the worst it could get.
By the time she turned 2, and I was 8 months pregnant with Rachelle, I didn't know how much worse it could possibly get, but I knew to stop expecting things to get better.
And then I had Rachelle. 2 months after Shaelyn turned 2. And Terrible Two's took on a whole new meaning. I sadly found myself suffering from PPD and asking our pediatrician for a referral to a child psychologist.
It was in the midst of this insanity that a friend of mine mentioned finding a preschool for her daughter (who just happens to be Shaelyn's best friend) and asked if I would be interested in enrolling Shaelyn next year along with her. Yes! I thought. Yes! Shaelyn could get away from me on a regular basis. I could get away from her. We could separate, rejuvenate, and come back together happy to see one another. She could meet new friends. Have some regular socialization and stimulation. All good stuff!
About that time, I emerged from the cloud of PPD that had been weighing me down. And I did some research of my own. I went to the preschool. I met the director, the teachers, saw the classrooms. I took Shaelyn with me and let her experience some class time herself. And I got excited. The director assured me (or so I thought) that the class size for Shaelyn's age group would be held to 8 kids. With two teachers, it put the ratio at 4-to-1. Perfect. I signed the check that day and officially enrolled my daughter in preschool.
It was as if signing the check had magical powers. As soon as I enrolled her in the very thing I thought we both needed to have some "away time," her behavior immediately improved. (See here for a journal entry on my excitement.) All summer long, I talked to Shaelyn about school. Since she doesn't do well with new experiences, I wanted her to have all the prep time she needed to process the idea of twice-a-week school. The more we talked and the more she understood, the more excited she got. It was hard not to get wrapped up in the excitement with her. But I couldn't escape the nagging doubts in the back of my mind. Would this be too much for her? Too much stress, being separated from me for so long each week? Would this possibly throw back into the behavior we had only so recently escaped from? Was I really ready to have my baby girl gone from me 6 hours a week?
Then we had a whirlwind month in August. As you know, the trip to my parents' combined with a trip to the beach brought out some of Shaelyn's "I don't like new things" freak-out behavior. So I was even more nervous about preschool. I started seriously doubting if I would keep her enrolled. But at this point, we has spent so much time prepping and getting excited, I didn't want to pull the rug out from underneath Shaelyn without at least giving it a try. That was my resolve. Let her go for a month, see what happens. If her behavior reverts or if she's anxious over being away from me, take her out. But there's that great chance she would love it and it would be all the things I was hoping it would be for her.
We had our "parent/teacher" open house last Thursday night. And I learned that Shaelyn's class didn't have a nice little number of students enrolled, like 8. No, it had a big fatty number of students enrolled, like 13. My heart fell. Michael and I discussed whether or not to even let Shaelyn go to the "kid/teacher" open house the next day, or to just pull her out then and there. We decided to give it a try. Friday she met her teacher, met her fellow classmates, and I got to observe 13 2-year-olds in a room all together. I went home, called Michael, and told him I felt like we were going to be paying for Shaelyn to attend nursery 2 times a week.
Needless to say, I didn't want to leave Shaelyn in this situation. I didn't want to spend our already stretched-too-thin money on something that wasn't going to be enriching. But Shaelyn was so excited. And couldn't stop talking about her teacher. Or her backpack. Or her lunchbox. Or her cubby. And I didn't want to give up on the idea of some of the things I was hoping preschool would do for her this year: "away time" (aka "sanity time") from mom, a chance to practice "doing what all the other kids are doing" before starting Sunbeams this January, an opportunity to develop socially with other kids on a regular basis.
Enter my friends and their lovely co-op preschool they've just started. They welcomed me (and Shaelyn) with open arms into their little group. Now Shaelyn still gets to go to school - and only once a week for 1 1/2 hours (instead of twice a week for 3 hours at a time). She gets to socialize with her friends (who she already knows), and she gets to practice doing what the group is doing (rather than being off doing her own thing - which she's really good at).
Today was her first day. She even wore her backpack (which is almost as big as she is and she didn't need) and took her lunchbox (which actually did have a lunch in it which she also didn't need). I was trying to make today as much like an actual day of school as she had been expecting it to be. After school, we came home and had a picnic outside with the lunch I packed in her lunchbox. I was determined for her to be able to use all the things she's been so excited about for so long. I think it was a successful day.
Here's my big co-op preschooler. Who gets to stay home with me (at least) one more year. Thank goodness!
